SNL's Tina Fey has been in the press more than usual lately because she has a new movie coming out. For some reason I thought I might google to see how she got that scar on her face. I visited the first result and although it provides no useful (or truthful) info, it's pretty entertaining. Here's one user's comment:
4/4/2004 - 2:13
[Salamander West] http://www.clownpenis.fart
The real story behind Tina's scar:
In 1975 Lil' Lizzy, as she was called then, lived in Northern Pennsylvania. She was a bright kid and her parents were very proud of her. She did however express a few oddities that concerned them. Tina loved ham. Not in the way that many people do; she loved to play with it. She especially enjoyed it when it was frozen. On the day of the tragic accident, Tina's father was driving home from work when he found his little ham-loving princess running through the street with a large frozen ham she had apparently stolen from a nearby supermarket. He called to her from his car but in all her excitement, Tina had covered her entire head in mud and cat hair, as she often did at that age. Her father, Don (a.k.a. 'The Jackhammer'), made a critical mistake. He was desperate to protect his little angel from her addiction to ham (in 1975 ham was considered a narcotic), so he chucked a handful of yogurt from a bucket he kept in the passenger seat of his car. Unfortunately, the yogurt wad caught the 70-pound 6-year-old square in the chest. Stunned and embarrassed, she ran toward the house screaming 'Melons!' Her Mother stepped out of their trailer and did not recognize Tina right away, but she did recognize the ham, for she too had her dark obsessions. Without thinking, she grabbed a sack full of wet puppies and swung it at the child, knocking her into a farmer with a lisp. The farmer pulled out a toenail clipper and swung wildly in self defense. His attack proved true as he was quite the martial artist in his youth, and Tina was badly scarred. Don the Jackhammer ate the ham and never told his wife.